Maybe the pain is simply because you haven’t forgiven yourself for becoming someone you didn’t really love.
And I’m sorry about that…
I’m sorry I was never there for you and I was always trying so hard to hurt you.
I’m sorry I was always running away and I’m sorry I never made time to play.
I’m sorry for the mean things I would say, and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to the warning signs you were giving me.
I’m sorry I let others hurt you and abandon you.
I’m sorry I didn’t call you more, and I’m sorry I didn’t visit more.
I’m sorry I didn’t ask you what you really wanted from me and I’m sorry I made you go through so much misery.
I’m sorry I let them make you feel weak and unworthy.
I’m sorry I let them control you and I’m sorry you felt like you didn’t have a say.
I’m sorry you were too afraid to talk to me, and I’m sorry I always assumed you were happy.
I’m sorry I wasn’t open and compassionate to your needs.
I’m sorry I didn’t care about your dreams.
And I’m sorry I created a life you didn’t love and I’m sorry I broke trust.
I’m sorry I let you fall and I’m sorry I was too late to stop it from hurting so much.
I’m sorry cancer happened.
I’m sorry you lost it all.
I’m sorry I broke your heart.
I’m sorry it got so much worse…
But, I want you to know it’ll never happen again.
I want you to know I’m here for you, and I love you more than anything or anyone, and I promise to make you my number one.
I promise I will always listen to you from now on, and I promise to only do what you want me to do…
I promise to make sure you feel good 100% of the time, and I promise to achieve all your dreams and I promise to never fall in love with someone that doesn’t love you, like me.
And I just hope someday soon you’ll see that I really have changed.
That I am a better version of me and that you can trust me more than anyone…
And regardless of what happens to me, I forgive you for everything, and I hope that you too can forgive me.
So I just wanna say,
I love you, Sarah…
Unconditionally and all conditionally.
You are extraordinary and you light me up and I know you will do great things.
Peace.
